Men, finding the right fit...

The other day I was thinking about dating. And it suddenly struck me how similar dating is to shopping. I mean, isn't dating essentially "shopping" for your future husband? Some people have to try on several different men until you find the right fit. The analogy was elaborated when I thought about different men as different brands; there are the guys who sit at the bars and wait for innocent, and drunk women to seduce. These are the "Walmart" or "Thrift Store" men; cheap, poorly made and you can never really depend on them. But the man that every woman needs is a "Chanel man"; classy, gorgeous and very hard-to-get! The only trouble with the "Chanel Man," is that Chanel stores are very hard to come by, and when you find one, you can almost never afford it. But it's not how much it costs that counts, it's the fact that that a Chanel purse will last you forever. It's the same with a man. A "Chanel Man" will stay with you forever and you can always depend on him. He will never go out of style and he will never fall apart. The only thing you have to worry about are cheap imitations of the "Chanel Man." they may look like Chanel on the outside, but after a while you see the inside for what it really is, a fake. Equally as cheap as a "Walmart Man."

So why is that women are willing to lower their standards from that perfect "Chanel Man," to a "Walmart Man", just because they are cheaper and more convenient? Don't we all deserve Chanel? Never settle for anything! Not a purse and not a man! You deserve someone who will stay by your side through thick and thin!

A Return To Sweetness and Decency

Today I got to thinking about princesses and prince charming... So many girls these days believe, just because they are female, they deserve a prince or a knight to come and, as Taylor Swift would say, "sweep me off my feet." But really, what makes you think that you even deserve a prince?
So many girls today are so concerned with going out, getting drunk and sleeping with some random guy from the bar then. I don't mean to judge, of course it's your life, so you live it however you want... But do you think The Little Mermaid went out to the clubs every weekend, dressed in this seasons hottest mini skirt and tube-top? Or what about Cinderella? Yes, she went to a party, but it wasn't her legs, chest and midriff that caught the princes attention.
And what about the real, modern princess Kate Middleton?

As a feminist, I can't fault any woman for wanting to do what they want, and I'm not saying, stop going out, having fun with your girlfriends and having a couple cocktails! But just don't expect to attract the kind, warm-hearted, handsome princes we all crave at those seedy dive-type bars downtown. 
And what about these poor men, who have to live up to the standards of these princes? Sometimes we forget that they have just as hard of a time picking through all the step-sisters to find their princess!

This is a two-way street here people! We, as women, can't expect to find a Mr. Darcy! And guys can't expect us all to be princesses! This whole thing has just gotten out of control! Where women believe the only place to find a guy is out at a party or a club. (I'm not saying you absolutely can't meet a great person at a party or a club! But it does seem really rare!)

As Audrey Hepburn said in Roman Holiday, "What this world needs, is a return to sweetness and decency!"

Wouldn't that be nice?

So, You Didn't Catch The Bouquet...

Working at a restaurant, I have had the "privilege" to serve a few weddings over the past 7 years. For everyone at the wedding, it's a celebration of two lives coming together. For most of the waitstaff, it's a sweet reminder of their own weddings or dreaming of their wedding to come. For me, it's a nightmare! Being born a cynical pessimist, I never thought I would get married; I remember, when I was younger, the laughs and strange looks I would get when I told people I was never going to get married. They all would pat me on the head and say, "Of course you will dear," "God has a special guy out there just for you," or "You'll change your mind when you meet someone." The thing is, as I move further out of my teen years and into my late twenties, I can't help but think, was I right all along? What if the ramblings of a silly tomboy who thought boys had cooties was right? What if I never will get married?

Everyday I see couples holding hands, watch show after show about wedding dresses, and have to hear about every person my age getting married (or dare I say, having babies!) And all I can think is, "is that ever going to happen to me?"
 While it is true that God does have a plan for everyone, I understand that, not everyone's plan includes getting married at 25, having 2.5 children by 28, retiring at 65 and moving to Florida. Some people (lots of people) will have a totally different path in life! And a big part of your life is excepting that, maybe the so-called "American Dream" isn't part of the plan God has for you. Maybe there is something more for your life! More for my life!

And here comes the pity comments, "Of course it will happen to you!" "You're going to meet a great guy someday!" "Just be patient!"
But what if you're wrong?
Lots of women never get married! One of my heroes,  Jane Austen was never married! 

And the truth is, I really don't mind! Of course living alone would be depressing and lonely, but I'll get used to it!... (Okay, so that's not really a ringing endorsement,  but I haven't thought out all of the pros yet to dying alone) I'll get a couple dogs... Or whatever.
What I'm trying to say here is that we all have a different path; they all lead to the same destination... (I won't get into that because I will lose my target audience and be forced to start a new blog on the joys of mental illness and other morbid, macabre subjects) But the point is, stop trying to reassure us  single gals that we will definitely find someone someday or that we just have to wait for the right guy... because the truth is, that's simply not true for everyone...

"Anyone Special In Your Life Right Now?" - And other uncomfortable questions you get asked at family functions and holidays

More and more girls have become embarrassed to admit that they might be... *whispers* Single. (DUN DUN DUUUUUNNN!!) They try to avoid the question and places where the topic may come up. A few years ago, had to waitress at a high school prom and was discussing my own prom; when one of the other waitresses asked if I had gone with anyone. Now, just so you know, my prom was a huge disappointment to say the least. No one asked me to go and no one asked me to dance, so needless to say I was a bit hesitant to answer her question. Without thinking, I blushed and answered no. The waitresses went on to interrogate me with other relationship questions until the big question came up, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?" It was the "yet" that got to me. It was as if there would be something wrong with me if I answered no. Once again I blushed and let out a muffled no. This got me thinking, when did it become embarrassing to be single? I was mortified tho think of all these girls with their dates and boyfriends, (other than the few girls who had come with a large group of girl friends) and I was single in my twenties.

Almost every women I have talked to has had at least two or more steady boyfriends before they even went to college or university. Why did it seem like I was the only twenty-something in history to have never been in a long-term relationship?

So why is it that women are so embarrassed to be single? Whether you are in your early teens or, like me, in your twenties? It seems like a universal female instinct to shy away from the question whether or not you're dating someone.  My feminist side screams out, "why do you care?" "Would having a boyfriend somehow change who I am and your image of who you think I am?"
But my Victorian, Jane Austen, romantic movie-watching self quietly weeps in the corner dreaming of a knight in shining armor riding in on a white horse.
We live in a society that, unfortunately, puts a premium on couples. We have television shows like The Bachelor and the Bachelorette that make light of relationships in general. I was just watching Say Yes To The Dress the other day and no less than 80% of the brides were in their early 20's!

So here is my plan: as the holidays quickly have creeped-up on me, I will face this question without embarrassment. I will enjoy my holidays regardless of my relationship status!

So, here's to all the single girls out there... Have a happy holiday! And even if you don't have someone waiting for you under the mistletoe, in the immortal words of Carrie Bradshaw, "the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous!'